It’s been 2.5 years since my marriage imploded. 1.5 since the divorce was final. During the first year, my email inbox was a ticking time bomb. I never knew when there would be a ranting, raging email from my ex about how everything was my fault, how I never loved him. 

you've got mail

In the last six months or so, things have calmed down. We have even approached amicability. But with some recent discussions about child support and finances, we’re back to Ugly Town. 

We’re bringing up past transgressions. Issues we had with one another during the marriage that were, apparently, never resolved. He wants me to apologize for saying my truth. 

I will never apologize for my truth.

So my question to you, especially if you’re divorced, is: 

Is divorce ever really over? Is there a point in time where you stop quibbling about the past, accept that what’s done is done, and stop trying to make each other bleed?

I envy my friends who ended their marriages because they simply fell out of love. They don’t give a shit what their exes are up to, and vice versa. There’s no delayed fallout, no prolonged accusations. There’s just…air.

I want air. I want to be able to breathe without worrying that he’s going to shake me to my core again. Of course, it’s been a long time since he’s done that, because I’ve been busy putting on layer after layer of Emotional Protection Armor in the aftermath of love lost.

But tell me, please: when is a divorce really and truly finalized? When can you finally lay that marriage to rest? Is it five years? 10? 30? Never?

I'm a writer, author (yes, there IS a difference!), world traveler, and entrepreneur. I like cold foam lattes, sushi, and stout beer...just not usually at the same time.

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