Have you ever tried to make things work out with a guy who was completely wrong for you?

C’mon. Of course you have. You wouldn’t be divorced and dating after 40 like me if you hadn’t. I’m guilty of it pretty much every time I start talking to someone new on a dating app (a nasty habit, I’d like to say, that I have, at least for the moment, quit).

I’m reminded of something. Remember those baby toys where kids had to figure out how to fit the appropriate shape into the right hole? I’m that infant, stubbornly trying to fit a gold star shape into a circle hole. I so want this guy (every guy) to be right, to qualify as a boyfriend, to be my as-close-to-forever-as-I’m-gonna-get guy, and so I ignore some really obvious warning signs.

Here are a few of those signs I’ve ignored. True stories.

  • One man barely speaks English and we have to translate using an app. I find this endearing.
  • Another’s hobbies are going to the gym and watching sports. I say “opposites attract!”
  • Thinking even if we have sex fairly soon, he’ll still want to date me.
  • Wanting to believe he’s really 40 when his pictures look 28. Or rather, that he’s really the guy in the pictures.
  • That only lunchtime dates and sex equals dating.

When you’ve been with the same person for decades, you no longer know what you want in a partner. If your ex was an emotionally void engineer, you might think you’d be better with a temperamental artist. If he was afraid of water, maybe you should date a sailor.

But the world — particularly on dating apps — is filled with all types of men. This one is a jiujitsu fighter! That’s kinda hot. Ohh! This one’s a fireman! A lawyer! A dog dad. A hiker. A guy with tattoos on his neck.

And they all sound good. So we try to make them fit into our lives, into our requirements. Unfortunately, 99.99% of the time, these will fail to fit you.

I don’t know about you, but I’m still looking for the star shape to fit in the hole.

I'm a writer, author (yes, there IS a difference!), world traveler, and entrepreneur. I like cold foam lattes, sushi, and stout beer...just not usually at the same time.

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