As an Expat, Give Yourself Grace to Change Your Mind

I moved to Italy as a woman who knew what she wanted. I did not deviate from my path very often.

But since I've been here, I've waffled about where to live, the work I do, and even what to eat for dinner.

Rather than berate myself for my indecision, I'm embracing my newfound flexibility.

What You Want Today May Change Tomorrow

I moved to Calabria in September 2022. I lived in Montepaone, a tiny town near Soverato, which was my objective. Within months, I decided I was done with Calabria and would move to Salerno.

Then I met Fra, and he set my life on another trajectory; one I couldn't have imagined I'd ever want.

If you'd told me five years ago that I would, by choice, decide to move to a remote mountain town, population 600, I would have laughed.

And yet, it was completely the right decision....at the right time. I would have been miserable if I'd moved to Davoli when I first got to Italy, but now, with an Italian husband and a network of people who want the best for me, it's the right time.

When I told my son, Max, that we were moving to Davoli a few months ago, his reaction was dumbfoundedness.

"Just a year ago, you said you'd never live there!!!"

"Well, I reserve the right to change my mind," I retorted.

And I've done just that. I've changed my mind about so many things, and, while at first, it felt like a failure of some sort, I've come to accept it as part of my evolution.

Being Open to Flow

When we carve out our desires on theoretical stone, we limit ourselves to possibilities we aren't even aware of. We assume we always know what's best for us, when in fact, it's the Universe/God/Source that does. So we continue doggedly in the direction we are sure we are supposed to go.

And things work...until they don't.

From the moment I rented the apartment in Soverato, I was sure that I was destined to live there. I began imagining how I'd remodel once I bought the place. The owner was open to selling it for just under €200,000, which, for an American used to million-dollar prices, sounded like a steal for a place just steps from the sea.

Fra's family always told me it was too expensive. But I thought I knew better. I could afford it, I reasoned, so why not?

Then one day, I toured what is now our home, and everything changed. In an instant, my dreams of seaside living shifted to small-town mountain life.

I'm a quick decision-maker, but I wanted to be sure. I certainly couldn't tell Fra I wanted to move to Davoli and then reneg. This time, instead of stubbornly sticking to what I thought I wanted, I listened to my heart.

I imagined walking to his family's house every Sunday for lunch. Stopping at the bar to see friends. Cozying up in the house on wintery days. And my dream shifted...because I allowed it to.

Here's another example: I have, for 25 years, stated emphatically that I didn't want to teach, English or anything else. Yet, living in Italy, I often find myself in the role of teacher just by speaking with someone who wants to practice (including my husband. Ahem).

I have also been hosting Aperitivo in English events with my friend Dora for two years, just for fun.

One day, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Why was I denying a potential revenue source just because I never wanted to teach in the past?

And so I got my TEFL certification and have been teaching English online for three months! And you know what?? I really enjoy it!

So I'm learning to get out of my own way and let whatever's supposed to be next for me come through.