What Hot Girl Summer Looks Like in Calabria

I live near the sea, so I'm out there getting tan every day, sipping an Aperol Spritz, right?

Wrong.

Let me educate you on what summer's really like when you live here rather than vacation here!

1. Air Conditioning is the Enemy

Coming from an American family that keeps the A/C on 24 hours a day from May till October, set at 65, it has been quite a challenge to deal with the fact that Italians don't love turning on the air conditioner.

Fra grew up without it. Can you even fathom?

To be honest, their house stays cool because it's shaded by several trees. And ya know, global warming wasn't a thing til recently.

Italians believe that cold air causes what they call a colpo d'aria, or a hit of air, that can cause muscle spasms, colds, flu, and a litany of other maladies. So...they don't use it as often as Americans do.

But this lack of A/C means that I SWEAT. Everywhere. I have a large collection of paper fans that I am not ashamed to whip out any time, anywhere. We all do.

2. EVERYTHING is Hot

I don't mean like it's hot when you step outside (but also, yes). I mean everything in your home (because the A/C isn't on) is hot.

When you get a can of beans from the kitchen cabinet...it's warm to the touch. When you drink that ice water you made half an hour ago...melted. When you sit on the toilet...yep. It's a most unpleasant sensation.

3. Surviving the Day is a Blood Sport

We do have air conditioning in our house, but, unlike in America, it's not central heat and air. Instead, it's what's called a split: a small unit in each room that heats or cools.

In one way, this is great because the room I'm in gets nice and icy. However, if I step into the hall, the sweat party begins. I run up the stairs, turn on the unit in the living room, and wait to cool down again.

The sun faces the front of the house in the afternoon, which means we close the giant wooden doors to the balcony against the heat, as well as the shutters downstairs. It's not until evening that I can open everything.

4. Water Comes Out Hot

I take a minimum of 2 cold showers a day. However, just like when you have to wait for water to warm up in the winter, you have to wait for the water to cool down in the summer.

The water pipes to our 200-year-old house bake in the sun all day long, and that means it takes a good 5 minutes before the water stops being scorching hot.

5. Going Outside Midday? Not a Good Idea

In America, we barely notice the heat in summer because we move from our air-conditioned house to our air-conditioned car to an air-conditioned store. But here in Calabria, there's a pretty good chance that I'll be on foot, which means I have to play Shade Hop, sticking to the shadows cast by the buildings as much as possible.

It's wasteful, I know, but sometimes we take the car or Vespa to his parents' house, which is a 5-minute walk. It's for my sanity!

As For Me, I'll Be Inside Until Fall

All of this is aggravated by the fact that my hormones are currently on a midlife roller coaster. I'm doing my best to adapt to how things are here, because it doesn't seem like the Italians are suffering half as much as I am (though they LOVE to complain about the heat. It's a national pastime!).

As long as I have an icy drink, fan, and the A/C on full blast, I'm a pretty happy girl.