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3 Tips to Discovering Who You Are After Divorce

After I got divorced, it took a while to untangle the aspects of me that belonged in my marriage from who I was becoming.


My ex hated when I wore polka dots. Or French manicures. I love them, so after my divorce, I invested in both. (And can I just say...I looked FABULOUS!)



We had planned to travel around the world for a few years after our son graduated. When I really asked myself where I wanted to be, it was Italy. Only Italy. So I moved here 10 months ago.


When we traveled together, we always butted heads about how we wanted to spend our time. So I started traveling alone once I was single. And it was AMAZING.


How you were in your marriage is a habit, and it's one you need to break. You're on an exciting journey to discovering who you are after divorce, discovering what it means to live authentically, on your own.


Here are my tips for finding what that life looks like.


1. Know You Are Worth It.

After a divorce, women tend to make themselves and their needs small. You might even fall into that dreaded victim mentality.


But ask yourself...how much mental real estate are you willing to give your marriage and divorce? Isn't it time to get back to YOU?


Whatever you dream of doing, you are 10000000000% worth making it a reality. Put yourself first. To do otherwise is selfish.


2. Accept This: There Will Never Be a Perfect Time.

⁣If you wait until the right moment to make your dreams come true, you never will.


You'll convince yourself that you should wait until the kids graduate high school...


...or until you retire...


...or after you remodel the house...


Trust me: our brains will do whatever they can from allowing our hearts to lead. That's why they come up with so many excuses to keep us from making our dreams come true.


NOW is the time. No excuses.


3. You've Got to Accept Discomfort

Trust me. Finding out what it is to live authentically will put you in some DEEP discomfort.


But hey, you're no stranger to discomfort, are you?


You had to navigate what it meant to see your marriage dissolve. To figure out how to be a single mama. To juggle work, life, and what was sometimes overwhelming grief.


You've got this.


The discomfort of going from a safe (yet unfulfilled) place in your life to one of technicolor joy is temporary. It will pass.


But the lesson for you, my sweet Goddess, is in BEING in that discomfort. Allow it. See what it brings. I promise, you'll look back in a few years and grin at how far you've come, all because you allowed those feelings of discomfort.


You're on a beautiful journey. Allow for the bumps in the road and know: you have the power to create what's next.


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